Looking at the US history from outsider's eye

I wrote a long personal history to explain my identity that I find myself in America, because that is where my perspective departs from. I am an outsider( a Korean woman) who is mostly educated in American (educational) system.

I had studied US history instead of Korean history when I was in the high school. I learned this nation's past history as an international student. It was the hardest class at that time--not because of all the memorization and tests about the facts, but because of the nature of my background--I was a blank person in American history. The dark part of US discrimination, separate but equal etc. were so new to me, because I didn't have any idea or impression about America other than being 'one of the largest country in the world' with the association of ' American dream' until then. US history was just a hard subject matter--not directly related to me at that time.

However, as I grew up and spent more years in the schools in the States, I started to realize things that I wasn't aware of. For example, my high school was a very segregated one. There were total of only 3 African American students in my school back then. ( by the way, teachers were all white except Japanese teacher.) One of them was my classmate whose father was in the high-rank position in a well-known shoe company in the States. Basically, my school was segregating students' population by parent's income or living status or social class or whatever you call it (like all other Prep schools do).

Also, the city of Portland is a segregated place by a Columbia river. I rarely saw African American when I was growing up there. It is one of the white dominated cities--mostly middle and above class especially in the north side where I went to school. At that time, I was too young too notice about these little bits of intentional/unintentional divisions or unspoken/untold discriminations. I liked my school and friends where I didn't have to face the direct racial incidents like I did in New Zealand. For example, girls at my junior high knocked my door whenever they passed the hallway in the dorms.

The reading of Elizabeth and Hazel reminded me of my high school history class, because it depicted the scenes that I had a hard time imagining it at that time. The history textbook didn't include subjective explanations and I didn't have clear picture of what that really was or meant. As an outsider to this history, I didn't have basic shared elements. I only assumed that it would have been challenging  to be an African American woman in 1950s.

However, I can relate to some of these feelings, because I have incidents in my life when I was an angry Korean girl due to the racial discrimination in America. It happened at public places, restaurants and department stores, etc. with spoken or unspoken words, gestures and eyes, etc. In fact, my mom and I still get this look--'you Asian, why are you here?' at place we visit. I remember how I felt the strange embarrassment at the moment when my white friend said, "she is with us" and I understood the secret meaning of it.

Moreover, I felt racialism against Asians not only from white people whom I was usually surrounded by but also from African Americans and Hispanics. At first, I thought it was because they had repressed (historical) memory so that they were doing the similar things to the other races. But now I think that the counter-racism from maginalized population in the States to the other minority (or vunerable races/ gender, etc.)  reflects the nature of human. Humans (like animals) want to be dominant and powerful among(against) the others (and other groups=races). I believe this explains all the worst things happened in the history of a mankind.

Actually, I think America is constantly putting lots of efforts to make things better and to change, regarding this issue of discrimination and separateness. I think that it's hard because most of all people regardless of their race, gender and background etc. have behavioral tendencies respecting certain elements from others like jobs, colors and clothes, etc. because humans are perceptive, prejudiced and have own prides. Also, I believe that it's a long-time-process for America, because of its own political structure and size of county itself.